


If Only I Had The Chance

by cleste09



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Implied Serious Injuries, Implied War Zone, M/M, Mental Illness, Nightmares, Nightmares becomes reality, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-02 23:18:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4077550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleste09/pseuds/cleste09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Plagued with unknown nightmares, Kimi finds it hard to concentrate on his daily life and racing. How will he cope with it? What does the nightmares imply? Will he get through it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trying my hand at some longer fanfics. This is based on a nightmare I once had and thought it could be written around these characters. Warnings, tags and additional characters will be added along the way. I do not own any of the characters and none of these happened in real life.

_“Run.”_

_It didn’t feel loud but it was shouted out by a person close by. Everything sounded muted for some reasons and he’s just rooted to the ground, unable to move._

_“I SAID RUN!!!!”_

_The person shouted again, running off into the distance. It still felt so muted, everything moving in slow motion. He tried to move again but couldn’t. He looked at everyone running off into the distance, away from the scene._

_He tried again and when he managed to get his mangled right leg moving, a loud explosion happened. Before he knew it, he was falling into deep nothingness, a world filled with black, losing touch with everything as he continued falling, never ending…_

He jerked awake at that moment, sitting upright on his bed and panted heavily. Sweating profusely, he wiped away the sweat trickling down his forehead. “Fuck.” He cursed out loud as he noticed he was still trying to breathe properly. Everything felt so real but he had no idea what it meant. Had it happened before? Or was it a prophecy and a glimpse of what would happen in the future? He had no idea.

He took a look at the time and noticed it was just 3:32am. He sighed and flopped back onto the bed, forearm covering his eyes. The nightmare had been bothering for 2 weeks, day after day. He was contemplating to search for answers by visiting a psychologist because this had been affecting his sleep and rest badly. He still had races to attend, races to win. He sighed again and groaned. What a joke it would be eh? The Iceman has troubles sleeping. He kicked away the duvet and sat up again, taking a huge slug out of the bottle of water on his nightstand. He needed a shower to wash away the fear.

... 

“You look terrible,” Sebastian said as he came into the meeting room. They were having a meeting there with Maurizio and the team of engineers. It was a week before the Canadian Grand Prix.

Kimi rolled his eyes and just shrugged. He wasn’t prepared to share his woes and troubles in getting some beauty sleep.

“Seriously, are you alright? You look thinner too,’ Sebastian added as he took the seat next to Kimi.

“Fine. Training hard,” he said, not wanting to get into details of what was going on.

Sebastian was about to ask but Maurizio had walked in and waved at them. The meeting soon began and Kimi felt shit all of a sudden. A sudden wave of nausea hit him and he was struggling to keep the façade on.

“Kimi?” Maurizio asked, a bit worried and a frown on his face as he noticed how pale his driver had gotten. Before they knew it, Kimi slumped sideways, slipping into unconsciousness as Sebastian grabbed hold of him.

“Shit, get the medic over,’ Maurizio commanded as Sebastian started panicking, not knowing what was going on.

“He looked terrible when I came in earlier on,” he told Maurizio and he nodded as the medic arrived, tending to Kimi and brought him over to the small medic room in the factory.

It took almost 2 hours for Kimi to come round and he looked awful. There was a glimpse of fear in his eyes as he sat up all of a sudden, panting heavily. It took him another full minute to realise he wasn’t alone in the room. A few worried faces were looking at him, namely James, Maurizio, Sebastian, Dave and Gino.

“What?” he asked, noticing how hoarse his voice had gotten and how weak he felt.

“You fainted on us,’ Dave said and they all looked rather worried.

“Spill. What has happened with you?” Maurizio said with a threatening voice.

“That’s not the way to talk to… patients…” Sebastian was livid but he let his tone down when he realized it was Maurizio he was talking to.

“I need to know whether he’s fit to race. I don’t want him to hurt himself or worse, kill himself,” Maurizio said.

“I’m fine. Just… lack of sleep,” Kimi said and groaned, feeling how painful his head was.

“Mark, come in,” Maurizio called out all of a sudden and it made Kimi groaned even more.

“Yes?” Mark, Kimi’s physio asked.

“What has happened to your driver?” Maurizio asked and Mark sighed too.

“He has not been having a good appetite. His training has been hampered slightly too but we are working on the reason why it’s happening,” Mark admitted.

"You didn't think of reporting this to me?" Maurizio asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"I didn't think it was serious enough to trigger that option, Maurizio," Mark said. It was normal for athletes to have some days being off the weather. To him, it was normal and he thought Kimi might just be having a stomach flu or something similar. 

There were some soft chatters about what Kimi could be suffering from. It angered and annoyed Kimi to the maximum, not helped by the awful throbbing in his head. 

“I told you I’m fine!” Kimi said out loud and it shocked all of them.

“Go back and rest. I will monitor your condition and determine whether you are fit to race in Canada,” Maurizio said sternly and walked out. The rest slowly filtered out, leaving Kimi with Mark and Sebastian. Sebastian, being a determined bastard he is, was going to get to the bottom of this. Kimi wasn’t that easily affected by anything. This was out of the norm and he was worried, deeply worried for his friend.

Kimi flung his legs down from the bed and stretched. “Let’s go,” he told Mark and got up, walking out of the room as though nothing had happened. Truth was, Kimi felt super shit. Not only the worst headache he had ever had was bugging him so much, everyone knew he had problems and he had to sort them out soon. He can’t let the nightmare, that stupid nightmare which he couldn't figure out the meaning of affecting him like this. Mark followed after Kimi after shrugging shoulders at Sebastian who gave him a questionable look.

Sebastian was left alone in the small medic room, in deep thought about what had happened just now. He was convinced he had heard Kimi mumbled something about "run" when he was unconscious but the others said he was imagining things. Maurizio had told him to not start hallucinating because he didn't want two drivers out of the race due to medical problems. 

‘Something is very wrong,’ Sebastian thought to himself. 

…

The nightmare didn’t go away to Kimi’s dismay. But at least he was getting some sleep in and had been eating more than usual to get back his physique. Training was also back to normal and Mark could not find any fault in his performance. Kimi sometimes think he’s a damn good actor but he knew he really needed to sort this out on his own.

‘After Canada,’ he had told himself this over and over again. He would get it sorted after the race in Canada. But somehow, he had a feeling he wouldn’t have the chance to wait after the race in Canada…


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's before the Canadian GP and Kimi's about to leave for Montreal. However, something happens...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adding some tags since it might trigger some people. I do not own any of the characters and none of this happened in real life.

_“Open the door!!!!” A loud shout emitted through the doorframe. He groaned loudly at that, being awoken from his slumber. But before he could move, a loud hissing sound came and then, without warning, a loud crash and a huge booming sound sent him lurching forward and stumbling onto the floor. Smoke filled the room as he crawled to the door, trying to pull it open as he knew whatever that thing was had struck the building next to his. He opened the door to face the person who had been shouting, who had seen this coming. The frantic look on his face told him everything. Something was wrong._

_“We need to go now!” the guy said and without waiting for him to react, grabbed hold of his hand and pulled him along, running down the stairs. They made it out into the open, seeing the extent of damage beside them. A huge hole in the building, smoke and fire bellowing out from it. People were screaming for help, crying for their loved ones but there was no time to react. Another hissing sound came and before they knew it, the “thing” struck the building few blocks away from them, sending shockwaves around and throwing them all onto the cracked ground._

_“We need to run!” the guy said as they scrambled to get back to their feet. He felt paralysed by everything that’s going on. It felt surreal. It’s too unreal yet it’s happening._

_“Run.” The guy said again as he was running off in the opposite direction._

_It didn’t feel loud but it was shouted out by a person close by. Everything sounded muted for some reasons and he’s just rooted to the ground, unable to move._

_“I SAID RUN!!!!”_

_The person shouted again, running off into the distance. It still felt so muted, everything moving in slow motion. He tried to move again but couldn’t. He looked at everyone running off into the distance, away from the scene._

_Then it happened. A loud blast and before he knew it, something struck him and he felt the numbing pain, instantly hitting against the ground. Darkness engulfed him and nothing helped to pull him back to consciousness as he just slipped away…_

…

It was a day before his flight to Montreal and he jerked awake again. He panted hard, sweating profusely and unable to stop his hands from shaking. It felt too real, like it had happened or it’s going to happen. He cannot decide which it was. But to him, it’s too real. He didn’t like the feeling of fear, pain and sadness which was running through his veins.

The nightmare was longer this time. It was like a vision or a reminder to him. Something was going to happen. He tried to recall the scene of his nightmare, trying to gauge where it was but he couldn’t. It didn’t look like any of the places he had been to. He shook his head. He was overthinking things again.

He reached over to the bedside drawer to grab more calming pills. He swallowed 2 and prayed that the nightmare will stop.

 

…

 

It was at the airport when it happened. He had just checked in to his flight, getting through the security and immigration. He had spotted Sebastian who was on the same flight as he was. They waved at each other and he was walking towards him when it happened. A sudden wave of dizziness and nausea hit him hard and the next thing he knew it, he was sprawled on the floor, disorientated and Sebastian was shaking him and calling out his name, which sounded so muted.

It took a while for medical help to arrive to him and he was taken to the medical centre within the airport for a check up. He felt better by then and he waved the nurses and doctor away, insisting he was fine and he needed to catch a plane. The doctor wasn’t convinced but after examining him, he couldn’t find any fault in him.

Sebastian waited for him outside the centre and when Kimi came walking out, he went over.

“Kimi, what the hell is going on? Have you got yourself a proper check-up??” he asked. Kimi just brushed aside that concern. He was feeling well and he didn’t want any sympathy.

“I’m fine. Just lack of sleep, like last time,” he said, shrugging his shoulders as they walked back to their gate.

“No, I’m not buying that story,” Sebastian insisted and was determined to get to the bottom of this. He knew Kimi was hiding something.

They arrived at the gate, not speaking to each other. They managed to board the plane on time. The flight was rather uneventful with Kimi managing to get a few hours of undisturbed sleep. He needed that so much. However, Sebastian had been monitoring Kimi throughout the flight. He was still so worried for his friend. More than a friend would do but he wouldn’t let anyone know. It won’t be welcomed anyway.

As they disembarked the plane, Sebastian sighed as they greeted the team members who were there to escort them to the hotel. He asked Kimi out for a quiet dinner which he agreed. He was hoping to find more clues as to why Kimi was having these weird episodes of dizziness and unconsciousness. He wouldn’t lie that he had been trying to research about these symptoms but nothing concrete came up.

They parted ways in the hotel, entering to their separate rooms. Sebastian eyed the bed and sighed loudly. How he wished he could share a bed with someone… someone like Kimi. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's badly written. I appreciate constructive criticisms.


End file.
